As the World Turns

I've become a one time whore. Why? In hopes of either catching the guys heart, or to rip it apart after. I know for a fact right now that I am going to get hurt at the same time, but it's not like it's going to be as bad as the first time. I'm in control this time. I get to draw the lines, and learn a few tricks here and there. I don't think this is even going to happen, I doubt I have the heart or the guts to do it. I wanted to see him again, and at least this way he'll come back. But that's not how I wish things would have worked out. A girl has to learn somewhere right? ( i don't like my answer to that, so I pretend I'll pretend it's normal) He cant be much of a guy if he's willing to do it, but I'm gonna guess every guy is like this. They only want one thing and it ain't my heart.




People always say to wait, he'll show up one day. One day could be the day before i die...I'm a little worried about that saying.



..I'm always defending Aaron to my friends because I liked him...but I'm bias in that conversation because they're the ones who really see what's happened to me through it all. But there is this part of me that says he doesn't deserve this, and neither do I. I need to just move on. I can't let go. Good or bad I won't let go. Guess I'd have a good job as a rescuer huh. This boy always brings apart of me out that I never thought I had.



I wrote that about 2 weeks ago. I guess I was angry at myself for letting him get to me again. I know I could never go through with that, but One Tree Hill was my blueprint for it.



It's been a good month since I first wrote that. And I havn't talked to him since. Joseph was supposed to visit but becuase of the weather he couldn't make it. seems as though every plan i make falls through. Maybe that's why I prefer the spontanious plans. Not the weeks in advance kind. It's harder to get let down this way.




The only reason I stayed at Wal-mart was so I'd be able to have the chance to apply for a loss pervention poisition there. Catching the law breakers, the fun stuff. But instead I was told that my name was mentioned for the job and a co-manager (who i didn't realize even had a say in these things) shook his head and said no. He didn't day why. But I've been told that they HAVE to give you an interview, becuase you're already a worker there you get first oppurtunity. But they wouldn't even give me the interview..They should at least tell me why I'm not even being considered. It can't be for my age, gender, previous work experience becuase that's DISCRIMINATION which is against the LAW. Ironic isn't. Now it's time for me to look for a company that wants to save their products from being stolen. Loss Pervention was my chance to get a feel for the lifestyle of that kind of career. I don't want to get into policing and not know the kind of work it will be and screw my life up.

I have got to stop putting off posting blogs. Even if it's only a paragraph. I'm long over due. So Even thou what i have written, was from like.. two months ago, it shall be posted. with some new stuff. New stuff being my skills at photoshop. took me 5mins to learn and i became addicted to it.

This was the first one i put together. Becuase i <3 One tree hill :)

The rest have been posted on my facebook-so If you know me go comment :b thanks :)

Sometimes They Come Back

It's been a long time. So what brings us to this new blog would be the awesomeness that Wal mart has brought me. Yes you heard me right work at the wall is actually been pleasant. Well the work hasn't but the people I work with have made up for it. One in particular - Mystery Boy




Here's the low-down. Sunday (the 10th) a got to work and there is a rose on my locker from mystery boy. My cheeks blush and my pearly whites come out to smile like they never smiled before. I went out onto the floor to start my shift and i was in the greatest mood. Everyone kept asking who they were from, then if i found out yet. But sadly no. Not yet. Attached to the flowers was a card. Addressed to me, signed "a certain someone." This made my day and week for that matter. My friends and I concluded that it was to lead up to valentines day.




So, Tuesday the 12th. Item numero douce. A card in my locker with a lovely note making my mind run amok. Who and Why were defiantly running through my head. And the card answered Why.. but not Who. I was happy but still disappointed. I so felt tormented that on the eve of my next shift...Saterday...well past valentines day. I could not fall asleep. And when i finally do.. i wake an hour early before my alarm goes off. Got ready for work with hours to spare. I got to work and my smile finally disappeared. There was nothing. Even though the card said "perhaps next time" referring to when I would find out who mystery boy was. That work shift went by incredibly slow. Because i was still trying to figure it out.



I got to work Sunday and nothing was on my locker, i was prepared for this. I opened my locker slowly, not wanting to go out onto the floor, and a white envelope had my name on it. Inside that was a cue card with a key taped onto it. It read "Locker #216" what did you know, the key fit the lock and inside was a bag with a white teddy bear and another card, wishing me a belated v-day. I was amazed at the length this guy went to just to make me feel so special around the few days of the year that i hate. My birthday, and Christmas and every Monday that isn't a holiday are the others :)



But even with MB's latest stunt, still no word on Who he is. I'm still racking my brain on this qunadrium. The second I thought it was one guy, someone else said another name or a reason for it not to be them. But we have all agreed that he has only one thing left to do and that is to finally tell me. And he will either leave another thing or just come out and say it.



I hope it's soon, who knows..by the time he comes forward I could be dating someone. haha...but that is most unlikely. I'm gonna stick this one out to see who this awsome guy is first.




And some people may be cross with me for this, but I started talking to Aaron...yes the Aaron from the earlier blogs. For some reason i felt it important to tell him of my mystery boy.. only after he asked me about my love life. I thought it'd be nice to show him what he was missing out on. He calls Mystery boy a loser because he hasn't come forward yet...i laugh. Someone is a wee bit jealous :) J-moose and I had a good laugh about this. But then something I didn't expect ... we made minor plans to catch up. His words "man i haven't seen you in forever".....i thought it would be fun to just meet up. So i guess we'll see if those plans follow through.



Tuesday February the 19th and another note. "I think it's time that we should meet. But I will leave it to you, if you decide too." and along with that he gave me an email address. One that definitely was designed to keep anonymous yet again.



***



It's been awhile since I added mystery boyto msn and I was talking to him the other night and i finally got him to reveal himself. :) I can't say I'm disappointed. In a way I was kind of surprised based on all the things people were saying. So the mystery is over for me, not for all who want to know. I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone...yet. so friends please be patient. It's worth the wait.



In the mean time, I'm pretty sure I have a hang out with Aaron this coming week. I'm kinda excited to see how he is doing and to show him who I've become. I've said before that he helped me find myself, and without him I found even more.



Life sure knows how to throw you some curve balls, but I wouldn't change a thing-because I will always accept it with grace.





side note, the artist who has captured my heart's words is Sia. Brilliant musician. <3>


Top songs

• Breathe me


• Butterflies


• Taken For Granted


• Little Black Sandals


• Lentil


• You have been loved


• Academia


• Soon We'll be Found


• I go to Sleep


• Numb


• Paranoid Android


• Moon


• Sunday

You can really hear meaning in her songs. They are beautiful so I hope you check them out :)