Time for my stress relief in minor minutes.
This week has been extremly busy. I worked every day, (im still in school). monday to sunday! ok i feel my rant coming on. So while dealing with a very hectic work schedual, i go to school. 8:30 to 2:40, then i come home and work on my homework until i have to go to work at 5:30. although i never manage to finish it all. i get home about 10pm (from work) have dinnner thn try to finsih th rest of my homework-i usually fall asleep in the midst of reading my english novel. So with this past week that has been my day...EVERY day. And then a couple extra things get thrown in there, like Student council meetings or activities that go with it. I was elected for Publicity :) i love that i was elected to reprsent my school, it's a real accomplishment. anywayyy..so yeah. on the weekends i always work 8 hr shifts. Not fun. I have actually put it about 5 availability sheets saying i can only work 12-15 hours a week, NOW after my evaluation they say we can change i put it wont take effect until JANUARY...i've been asking since october. Can you tell they really love me there? haha. Things are slowly dieing down which is nice.
Because I have been really stressed out, i just complelty broke down in the past month. It really scared me. I was in this reall dark place, and i couldnt get out. Alot was happening to me at once. Work and schoool related stresses, then constantly reminded that i don't have a boyfriend. I don't have time for a relationship right now, but it's hard when no interst is ever shown towards me. It's odd, some days i know i am beautiful, then some days i feel like the ugliest person in the world. Thats when i wish i was invisible. but im not. I am visible enough to be judged by people. Thinking about it right now, i wonder what they judge me for...i'm not over wheight, but im not the skinniest girl either, I don't voice my opinion alot so they cant judge me on that either...so what am i afraid of?
I have changed alot through high school. It's the best thing thats ever happened to me. In gr 9 I was the girl i hated. i cared what others thought, but never followed through with changing into what i wanted to be. But then something did change, and i had a new personality. i had joined a youth group through my brother, and i met people outside of school and within who i never would have talked to before becasue i was intimidated. I felt safe to finally be myself.
...with all thats happened in gr 12.....i feel like i've lost myself...right after finding me and don't know where to look.
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2 comments:
I know this will sound kind of weird coming from someone you don't talk to that much, but i'll say it none the less. You are very beautiful young lady, and any guy out there would be lucky to have you. Sorry if it seems weird of me to be saying that (this is pretty much based on how much we talk at work). It's ok to feel insecure from time to time, we all do. I can't count the number of times where i hated the person i was. For almost 7 years i was someone i hated, and it took me that long to realize that if i didn't start trying to change, i wouldn't be happy. When i finally accepted who i was, regardless of who i used to be, i felt so much better inside. I still have those days where i just wanna crawl into a dark corner and be left alone, but then i remember that I have people i can talk, and work through those days. If you feel like you've lost who you were, there's something i want you to do. Sit down on your bed, lights off, and close your eyes. Just completely block any and everything out that is causing stress and pain. Then listen to a song with profound lyrics, and let it just play until it's the only thing that seems important. I know, this is weird advice, but in all honesty it does work.
that was a really touching little blog. i'm sorry you feel like that and i totall agree with you on the work situation. and honestly you are very beautiful! like very very very beautiful so don't ever think otherwise. i heart chu...........
mr. pimp. xD
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